


Kitten

by numbika



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fluff, Short One Shot, happy things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 09:15:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16531703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numbika/pseuds/numbika
Summary: Traditionally Cats have nine lives. Discworld logic dictates that thus, Life have to have nine cats. This begs the question, how many cats do Death has? Well, as of now, at least one.





	Kitten

I HAVE A JOB PROPOSITION TO YOU. THREE MEALS A DAY, AND PROPER LODGING WITH GUARANTEED JOB SECURITY. Echoed the deep otherworldly voice in the alleyway.

"I don’t think that will work." Interjected a slightly glowing, half see trough figure beside the source of the original suggestion. The first one to speak was a tall, traditionally black robed skeleton. He was squatting beside the transparent figure, and now looked up at him quizzically.

WHY IS THAT? The transparent man scratched his head, not far from the throwing knife that stuck in there.

"Well…" The man thought about a little. He had a VERY weird day, especially if you considered all this dying business, so he struck out for normalcy. "…cuz that’s not what you should usually do. Usually you say something like, "Here kitty-kitty".

The squatting skeleton appeared to consider this for a while and then tried again, aiming his words towards one of the trash cans. Behind it a small calico cat eyed the pair suspiciously.

HERE. KITTY. KITTY. Said the skeleton without any tone or inflection as if he was reading from a lexicon. The cat remained unimpressed.

"Maybe you should try it with some bait." Offered once again the helpful ghost beside the skeleton. The dark robed figure appeared in deep thought, before rummaging through his robe, and pulled out a much smaller figure from under it. The Death of Rats squeaked in apprehension for this treatment.

SQUEEE! Said the small figure, throwing a tiny tantrum.

I SWEAR I WILL PAY YOU WITH CHEESE FOR IT. The skeleton of a rat stopped his little fists in the air, and the two empty eye sockets met.

SQUEAK.

TWO. The small robe folded his arms and did his beast to imitate the notion of raising an eyebrow.

SQUEAKSQUE.

TWO AND A HALF. After a couple of seconds, the rat skeleton nodded and cracked the bones in his shoulders.

"I was thinking more along the lines of a fish…" Tried the transparent figure but the small skeleton raised one of his hands, with open palms.

SQUEAK!

HE GOT THIS. Translated his larger brethren, and slowly placed the smaller figure on the cobbles. The Death of Rats made a couple more stretching exercises, and then slowly lowered itself into the traditional four limbed position of a rat. The cat's ears perked up in apparent interest. The small robed figure made a couple of theatrically careful step closer to one of the trash bins. He mimicked sniffing around, and then raised his hind legs a little, and turned his back towards the cat. Nature take care of the rest. The kitten surged out from behind the trash bins and pounced. Only, her flight was intercepted by a bony hand, which gently caught her, and cuddled her. The cat reacted by scratching and biting, but her claws only found hard bone and thick robes. After a couple seconds she realized that: A: Her attacks have absolutely no effect, B: The curious stranger not, did in fact, hurt her, and C: It was a very hot summer night, and the robe had a pleasant chillness to it. So, the struggle ceased, and instead she gave out a cautious purr. 

"Good job, now you have a cat." Stated the transparent man. "I believe that’s about it. Now you just have to feed it, buy expensive toys for it, and generally go crazy for it." The skeleton slowly started to caress the head of kitten, which only encouraged its purring. With the fingers being all bony, it was like being brushed and petted at the same time.   
REALLY? IS THAT COMPULSORY?

The ghostly image beside him once again scratched the wound in his head.

"Well, I wouldn’t see it anyway else. Mind you it might be different with skeletons." The kitten slowly started to nibble at the end of one of the digit, and when she caught the look of the skeleton, she stopped for a second, just to continue it regardless.

I DON’T THINK SO. Stated the robed figure, and for the first time there seemed to be some kind of jovial edge to its deep, resonating voice. Never stopping the caress of the kitten, he reached down, and helped the small rat skeleton up and placed it on his shoulder.

SQUEE. Stated the small figure, while glancing suspiciously towards the kitten. It way eyeing it.

I WON'T FORGET. TWO AND A HALF WHEEL. With that finished the bigger skeleton turned towards the transparent man, and the slowly cooling body that it just recently vacated. The corpse was sitting beside one of the trash bins, with a about half a dozen knifes scattered around him, one in his hand, and yes, one in his head.

YOU KNOW, YOU ARE SUPRISINGLY WISE, CONSIDERING… He let the ending hang in the air.

"Yeah, well, it's easier to be wise after the fact, you know." Said the man giving the skeleton a little shrug. "So, what happen next?" The robed skeleton slowly caressed the kitten a couple of times, than raised one of his fingers.

JUST, BE MORE CAREFULL THE NEXT TIME AROUND. AND MAYBE TRY LEARNING JUGGLING BY USING BLUNT OBJECTS FIRST. The skeleton gave a small jab at the chest of the transparent man.

"WoooOOH" And with that, the man became a small blue light, and flew away at considerable speed. The skeleton glanced after it, his eyes glowing.

SQUEAK? Asked the rat skeleton, slowly itching away from an adventuring paw of the kitten.

WHAT? OH, YES, I REALLY DID FORGET ASKING HIM IF HE BELIEVED IN REAINCARNATION OR NOT. OH WELL. I MUST BE GETTING OLD.  Smiled the tall robed man with his perpetual skeleton smile.

SQUEAK.

WHY YOU MUST ALWAYS BE SO SUSPICIOUS? Asked the tall skeleton, and slowly started to walk back towards his horse.


End file.
